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today, i'm screwed up. i'm fucking screwed up. so fucking childish, not grow up at all... I'm sorry B I feel like I screwed up your day............................................................................................................

i know i have to let go........ let it go..........release.........the nightmare from my past..........the darkest & the worse that ever happened to me...........................release...............set myself free.....from this fuckin' chain.........

i love you B, i dont want to hurt you because of my behavior & my thought, I'm really sorry...I'm just scared I will lose you....I'm just scared...I love you so much.........& I'm sorry....i'm really sorry.....

God, please help me.....give strength, please...i can't do this alone...i need You...i need Your help....i need Your miracle....please God..